Letting Go

How do we know when it is time? Time to let go of something, some one, some hurt, or some grudge. At what time looking at your old dog, and seeing the wagging tail and clouded over eyes do you say, OK, I have to let him go. I am telling you it's not easy, taking a life is never easy, no matter the manner or the breed of animal.

I butchered my 2 big ducks yesterday and I gotta admit, it hurt my heart a little bit, I wasn't really expecting that. The chickens were different, they had no names, and were meant to be food from day one, but even them, those very first few that went onto the chopping block, hurt my heart. It got easier with them as I did more of them during the summer, but I would still apologize when I would catch one. Knowing what fate was holding for them in the minutes ahead. The ducks though, had names, and came when called and became pets. It had a little more sting to the gut when I had to look into their eyes before ending their lives. They kind of had to go, I ended up with just males, they were starting to fight, and ducks eat more then their fair share and of course I wasn't getting any eggs. So unfortunately into the freezer they went. We have yet to decide on what to do with "Olivia Pig" if we will do her ourselves or bring her to the slaughter house. I just know that with her, I can't be there, to watch her life end, the last breath taken from the big wet nose. She is too much of a pet, to friendly towards me, so because of that I can't be there. Nope, can't do it....

A year and a half ago we had to dreadfully make that decision over a dog, a very beloved dog. "Corky", my Moms stud dog that I took when she passed away. We put a lot of time, money and love into that old guy. He was 8 when we got him, in a little rough shape too, I must admit. Off to the doctors he went right away and he went in for dental and neuter at the same time. We slowly got his health into check, and onto a great new diet of good quality dog kibble, and exercise, and NO MORE boiled eggs! He did great with us, was still acting like a puppy, up till the Christmas before we had him put down. He seemed to go down hill pretty fast. From waggy tail and running to sleeping all day and peeing in his bed when he slept. Our daily routine for many months was first thing in the morning, I would carry him out to the back lawn and lay him down, he would hobble around the back yard, and do his business while I changed the bedding on his pillow and cleaned his bed all fresh again. Then I would carry him back in and he would get a hose down and quick blow dry to get the stinkies off of his underneath. I would generally plop him onto the floor in what ever room I was gonna be in, he liked the company and I tend to talk to my dogs a lot as I work. This would be done a few times a day. Sometimes he would get bored of watching me and hobble back to his bed to take a nap. He didn't whine and cry, in his bed, or when I carried him till the very end. Then out one last time before bed, with another quick clean up, drink and snack to get him through the night. Then one day I suddenly realized that he would often yipe when I picked him up, I called the vet to make his appt to go to the bridge. But the day before he was to go in, I called and cancelled needing more time because he had a few good days in a row and I felt that he and I just weren't ready. Big mistake, his next few days were awful, very rough and full of pain. Yet his tail would still wag at the sound of his name or a pet on the head. But I called the vet back and asked to get him in soon because he really wasn't doing so well. What an awful feeling bringing him in that day, knowing that his body, but not his breath would be returning home, and that it would be my fault.

I cried when she gave him the shot, but I watched a peacefulness and relaxation sweep over his body, the tenseness of months of pain flooding away from his shoulders, back and neck, he licked my hand as if to tell me that he was OK. Then, in a long drawn out sigh, he was gone. Oh how I sobbed and I was left feeling like I was loosing the last bit of my Moms legacy, and that I should have done better by the old man. That I should have done more for him and that Mom would have been so upset with me for letting him go like this. My heart broke, and ached and I felt sick. My vet however told me that the timing was right and that we gave him 4 and a half really good years and that my Mom, if she was here would have loved that I let him go to the bridge peacefully instead of moaning in pain alone, because of my own selfishness.

We buried him that evening. Only a few feet from Oscar, the boys cried as we said our goodbyes and told him that we would miss him greatly, and trust me that little old man was missed, and still is.

We do crazy things because of selfishness. We hold on to grudges for years, hold onto bad memories that only hold us back and hurt us, we keep truly loved pets alive when their time has come, and they are begging with their eyes for us to please let them go. When it comes to taking the life of another living breathing creature, it is difficult, and if you have been lucky enough to never have had to make that decision, I hope that you will never have to make that choice. That you never have to experience that kind of heartbreak and very often, regret.

Forgiveness is hard for all of us, I think that it is human nature. I bet that most of you still remember the bully from grade school, or the first disappointment caused by a friend. If we can't let go of these things how do we forgive ourselves for taking another life? Well I can't answer that one for you, I wish I could, but I know that I feel better because it hurts a little, that is better than if it didn't hurt at all. That is when I think we need to worry, when taking a life becomes second nature. So with that the best that I can offer you is when your done reading this, go hug your dog/rabbit/cat/guinea pig/parrot, whatever pet you might own, and look into his eyes so that he knows that you love him. Do it everyday and then you too might know when the time has come, he will tell you in those eyes, they peer right down to the bottom reaches of your soul, and your heart knows, know matter how much it hurts...

Wordless Wednesday II

A Follow Up.

Well it has been a few days since the dog attack, everyone is settling down, even still getting a few eggs a day. A neighbour way down the road stopped by Thursday evening to ask me if I was missing a chicken and a turkey. I basically shouted "YES" to them. I brought them out to the coop and showed them my ladies and my female guinea, and they said that yes, they had her mate, but he was a sight for sore eyes. Well it seems as though the two birds were just out pecking on his back lawn when a lynx came out of the bush and attacked the guinea. Thankfully the man of the house was fearless and attacked the lynx and saved the poor bird, then his little wiener dog attacked the guinea. But he is OK, less MANY feathers, but doing just fine. How do you thank them people enough, I mean they gave me back 2 of my birds and stopped the yearning from a hen that was missing her mate so much... I gave them the 2 dozen eggs that I had in the fridge, and thanked them profusely, to the point where they surely thought I was crazy to be so excited to see a couple of birds. When I jokingly told them that the male guinea is one of the few that has no name, he stated that they have been calling him lucky, and I mean seriously he survived a spaniel, lynx and a wiener dog. So "Lucky" it is.

Now however, I am even more edgy, first that that dog might show up again, and then what do you do? Secondly that the lynx, might show up, at least with a lynx, I know that it will only kill one, then take it away and eat it. It is making me very tempted to get a bigger guard dog to protect my flock, even I suppose that the ducks even need protection. But I think that for the time being, there will be no convincing my hubby, but however I am going to keep watch for a Newfoundland Hound for sale on our local classified website. Great family dog, loyal, and trustworthy, protective with its life for the family it is meant to protect. So I will watch for the next year or so, until I find one, and if I don't I will go to a good breeder in Southern Ontario.

So I have a sick duck in the house, I don't have the slightest clue what is wrong with it, but it seems to have picked up a lot over the last day, compared to the first day it came in, very lethargic, and awful looking. My youngest has taken a shine to the little thing, so has Hoover actually, Mothering the little thing when ever the opportunity arrives, licking the little guy constantly. My little guy has named him Cujo, as odd name I thought for a duck, and we don't even know its sex yet. The duck is still quite young, and is NOT a runner, but some other breed of duck, but it sure is cute, I hope it makes it. I took "Steve" my big dark duck, and put him in the storage side of the chicken house, where Luigi (the rabbit) lives. So "Daffy" was lonely and I put him in with my lonely little white runner duckling, they seem to be getting along rather swell, and have bonded out there in the pond. Maybe tomorrow I can introduce this other duck to them two then let those 3 back with Steve. A rather long and complicated process, just to have everybody get along.

Been busy around the "mini farm" lately, we had a tier of firewood delivered about a week ago, so that all needs to be cut with the chain saw, then split with the splitter, then piled in the woodshed to dry. It will dry in there until we need to start bringing it in somewhere around Thanksgiving, (the second weekend in October here in Canada). We already have a few cord split and in the woodshed, and a few more cord to be split and brought up. Basically that will be left to the boys and I during my summer away from work. Hubby does the chain saw and then the boys and I are supposed to split it all. Most likely what we will do this afternoon, seeing as it is a bit of a cool windy day, a nice day to be out doing firewood.

I still have lawns to mow, gardens to till, potatoes to hill, a basement to finish painting, trees to be chopped down, there really isn't a day of "boringness" around here, because if it happens to be a cool and rainy day, there is always laundry and other housework to be done! Everybody in the house is living happily and harmoniously, well as happy as Pebbles can be living with Bassets. We took her to the Cottage on Sunday, and boy does she ever shine out there, she loves it, no bassets around at all, a big lake, with more duckies than she can count. She is a free spirit, and is wonderfully obedient and quiet when there. I think that the cottage is her place of "Zen" as it is to most people. Look at your dog, they really do have this living in the moment thing figured out, I think that we all need to take a lesson or two from our furry friends. Peace Out!

Summer sunshine....

Well summer holidays have officially arrived for the boys and me. Thank goodness because the chores were beginning to pile up around here. The bassets and Pebbles are enjoying the summer heat and sunshine. To be honest, so are we. The garden is all planted everything is up and green, almost smiling at me. My Momma hen is still strutting around the yard, unfenced, raising her 4 little ones who are sprouting adult feathers now. My female guinea fowl has been making a clutch of eggs under a balsam just out of the chicken coop. I am going to leave them and see if she just might set when she has enough of them to make it worth while for her. I went and got 4 more baby ducks last week. They are supposed to be more Indian runners, the 2 yellows definitely are, but I am doubtful about the 2 brown ones. The big ducks (of course) are not being the slightest bit friendly towards them, showing no hospitality whatsoever. The dog kennel is now white with dandelion fuzz. No more yellow to be seen.

I bought a hummingbird feeder yesterday, we have noticed a hummer hanging around the clothes line, even perching on it. He is so small and elegant. There are no wild flowers, or really nothing much at all for him to eat, so I felt bad and bought the little guy a feeder. I hope that he is able to find it, and might even bring some friends over for a visit. I don't really know why I never had one before, not even a wild bird feeder in the winter. Well that will change this winter. We have Whiskey Jacks hanging around often, as well as a Mourning Dove. I can hear her, and her lonesome song. She always sounds so sad, perhaps some seeds will cheer her up.

So way out back there has been an old 10 or 12 foot long wooden boat. She is a pretty little boat, looking old and worn and neglected for many a year, but a pretty lady none the less. I have been eying this special boat with holes in the bottom, and small pieces of wood rotting and falling off, for 3 years now. Not wanting to get rid of her, waiting for a special purpose, that I knew over time I would figure out. She is green on the outside, dark green, with a bright red inside, rather stunning when we drug it out of the bush the other weekend to clear the area for the laying hens to scratch and peck. Well, she has found her purpose, we perched her on the front lawn, hubby made a beautiful cedar log cradle, and there she sits near the front door, on the lawn. I have filled her with dirt, and planted 60 or so strawberry plants inside, she is due for a fresh coat of green paint, maybe even next week. I also put a nice little string of white lights and a solar bow light inside. I was able to find 2 cute duck statues that really resemble my runners. I perched them inside to guard the berries. It looks great. I really hope now that the plants live and offer us plenty of fruit when next summer arrives.

Sometimes the smallest things can give us the most pleasure. Rescuing an old boat that likely brought its owner out on many voyages onto local lakes, the days catch laying on the floor before being gutted and cooked for supper. Somebody once really loved that boat judging by the unfaded red paint inside. Now, instead of being hauled off to the dump, getting buried, and rotting slowly away, she bares new life. I am going to name her after my Mother. I will be watching for little plant sprouts and will get a pic of those too. I hope they grow, imagine walking out your front door and picking a bunch of fresh strawberries....

Gonna be a bright, bright, sunshiny day....

Well it appears as though the nice weather has finally arrived, and we are all hoping that it might actually stay this time around. I was able to get my garden planted a couple of weekends ago thankfully. It is just beginning to pop out of the earth now. I still have plants left to go in, and more plants to buy to put in as well.
But anyways, my duckies have been out and about a lot recently, one neighbour has even nick named them the happy travelers. It seems as though they have picked the lawns around us bare of bugs and worms so they have now decided to venture down and across the road to the yards with the nicer, more bug ridden lawns. Well Sunday evening after a very long day of outside work moving the chicken coop. (Pictures coming soon I hope.) Those little brats took off once again across the road, this was about 9:30 in the evening too, so there I was all cozy and comfy on the sofa when I see them out the front window running fast to get away. I had to toss on some boots and head down the road and chase them home. I figured, well that's enough of that so I cornered and caught them and threw them into the dog kennel so they would be stuck safe till I could build them their own pen when I got home from work on Monday. They were not impressed with me at all about the whole situation, quacking up a storm and pacing the fence with a look of forlorn on their little faces. How can you see forlorn on a ducks face you ask? Well it is as obvious to me as a mother of any baby, you know your child.... Well actually that isn't true at all. They don't seem to have any facial expressions at all ever. I see a curious look, but that is more by the tip of their head and the beady little black eyes, they really can't smile or frown like a dog can. Basically, they just always look surprised!
But back to my story, well the ducks had to spend the night and next day in the dog kennel, I figured, well hey, there must be a lot of bugs in that yard, for one, the ducks have never been in there before, and for 2 every time I pick up a poop, there is always ants or little dung beetles underneath.... YUCK... I am not too sure what they did all day when I was gone to work and the dogs spent a lazy afternoon locked up in the house. But I do know that they got a rough and tumble hour of "play" in the middle of the night. Let me explain, Hoover went out for a pee around 11 pm, he did not even notice that the dicks were in his pen. He went out, down the stairs, peed on the grass, back up the stairs and into the house onto the futon. That is his regular routine, why change what works for you. Right? Well Odie has a very different routine, he does not go out at 11 with Hoover, he stays in snoozing on the couch in the living room, unless I feel motivated enough to go and drag him to the door. Most nights I do not feel that energetic. Instead Odie wakes me up sometime between 2 and 4 in the morning. His routine is as follows, cry at edge of bed till mom wakes up, (yay) go to door and cry till mom gets there to let me out. Then he ever so slowly goes outside, stopping on the deck to smell the night air, checking to see if its raining and he should make this a quick pit stop. If it isn't raining, he will saunter down the stairs and wander around the yard. He is usually at least 15 minutes. I go back to bed now, I was getting to cold in the early spring waiting up for him to do his duty, standing there at the door while he takes his time and my precious sleep eludes me, so that he can sniff. Darn hound. So when Odie asked at 4 I got up let him out and went back to bed. I forgot about the ducks......
I was woke up at 4:51 to barking. Oh crap I thought, I forgot Odie out, he must be getting chewed up by the bugs. But, Oh no, he was out there chasing and catching the ducks, he would run and jump on top of one, chew him up, (playfully like he does with Hoover) then dash the other way waiting for the duck to chase and attack him. Well the ducks of course would just run in the other direction, flapping to try to fly over the fence. With no luck of course. I was standing out there laughing at them all and the whole situation, Odie's tail was wagging so fast, and I have never seen him so happy before. So it took me a few minutes to catch him, with ducks flapping and flying over my head and quacking. He didn't put up a fight to come in, he likely just thought that he would play with them again when he got up at 7. Poor birds were so relieved when I came into the house, they first strutted around the yard like they beat him up and that was the reason that he left, then they cuddled up in the corner and went to sleep. Odie did the same thing in the house, fell asleep right away and didn't want to even get up at 7, till I reminded him of his ducky friends out in the yard. But that time he was tied. Hoover still thought nothing of them in the morning, smelled them all from top to bottom then came into the house. So everybody lived to see another day. I wonder though how long they would have live together before they would all be friends? So the ducks are once again fenced in next to the dogs and the 3 of them and Odie play together through the fence again like they always used to do. It really is a wonderful life, especially if you are lucky enough to have a "wee" farm!

Not too punctual.

So apparently I am not so good at keeping this up. Wishing that I had more energy or more time or both would be even better. Time just really gets away on me lately. Running the farm, working all the time and taking care of my hounds and boys seem to often get the best of me.
The bassets are doing really well, Pebbles too, she turned 9 this spring. Time goes too fast, it seems as though it was only a year ago that we got her as a little fluff ball and she was getting pushed around the yard in the back of a Tonka truck. Her health is well, she is beginning to have troubles with her knees, and a few problems with her teeth, so most likely she will be going in for dental work this fall.

Hoover is still silly, and rather bad.... Just never a dull moment with that hound around. He will still sneak and steal a roll of toilet paper if given the opportunity. Will still let out a little pee on my floors here and there too. Not very impressive at all I must add. Odie though has fit in really well. He is still a clown and still likes to bark. I think that he has put on even more weight, so he is currently on a little bit of a diet to thin him out a little. It is raining here at the moment, and the smell of wet dog surrounds me. Nice, Welcome spring!

The farm has expanded, we still have 3 ducks, all males. Dang, not impressed at that at all. We will hopefully be able to get a female this summer and possibly set a few eggs. We have 11 nice big laying hens, a few that have been named, 3 bantams (one of which is our rooster who goes by the name of "Foghorn"), and 2 guinea fowl. Also have 4 black layer chicks, all due to begin laying around the beginning of September. We are getting a dozen eggs a day and even managing to sell a couple dozen a week. I can't even begin to explain how nice it is knowing that we are eating farm fresh, with no chemicals. Let alone how the hens, have became such pets. We also ordered 20 meat chickens, they arrived on April 13th as little tiny things, about as big as a bunch of golf balls. They have now grown into relatively large white chickens, nearly 4 lbs each already.

My garden did surprisingly well last fall. We got tons of fresh veggies out of there. Made plenty of zucchini recipes from breads to casseroles. Did canning after work for a good month straight. Almost to the point of having too many veggies to handle. Due to the fact that I changed jobs as well, there just wasn't enough time to get everything done. So the blog suffered. Then once a habit it becomes difficult to get back into. So here's to hoping I can get it made back into a habit once again. Well thats about it for today, will post again really soon...

Duckies are a quacking, well actually peeping!

Well we went out of town on Saturday and got my duckies (3), Hoover seems to have really taken a shine to them although they are rather scared of him. He jumped right into the tub with them and licked their wet faces. :) I am beginning to think that he thinks they are his babies. It is really a sight to see. The "other" parcel was unable to be picked up on Saturday due to unforeseen circumstances. It shall be delivered tonight, I will write soon and post pics as soon as I get the chance. For today I shall just post pics of the duckies.

They were (are) rather frightened of people. But the boys are handling them a lot and they are calming down rather fast, and even seem to be enjoying the warmth of their laps when they are in the pen with them. The ducks presently have their own pen inside of the dog kennel, a round pen about 6 maybe 7 feet across. I will likely expand it later this week once I get out there with the lawn mower, but I never got to it the other day and now it keeps raining. Soon enough though I guess.

Well today is house cleaning day, it feels so good to not get up and not have to go to work. I hung around in my jammies till 11 then hit the shower, and ran to town to get some groceries. Love the summer holidays!