Well we are nearing the home stretch for that favourite time of year for almost all of us. The Christmas tree is up, we are receiving cards in the mail, and Christmas songs are playing on the radio. There was a time however when I wasn't so fond of Christmas. The few years that followed my Moms death, it just never felt right after that, I think we all felt guilty for having a good time and laughing with out her with us. Not to mention that it just wasn't the same without the tube socks safety pinned together with crazy things inside for hubby and me. The dry turkey, but best stuffing imaginable. The bland and pale coloured lumpy gravy, and delicious home made pies. The smells, of the wood fire, country air, and great food, were only found at her house. It was hard, those first few years, almost unbearable. But 6 years have passed now and Christmas has once again become a very special place in my heart, and I do my best to fill my house with those laughs and smells, minus the turkey and lumpy gravy of course. It is always ham at my Christmas dinner!
If I haven't told you before, I come from a rather crazy family. My immediate family was held together by my Mom, the peace keeper/mediator that she was kept things going smoothly, I suppose that it also had a lot to do with how much we all loved her. But all of that fell apart the year after Mom died, I think that we all tried to keep it together, but got worn down, and grew tired of each other. So soon that special family dynamic fell apart with out Mom around. My only brother and I are still close, I love him so much, he is patient and loving like my Mom, has 2 boys close to the age of my two, he is smart, and funny. He very often reminds me of my Mom, and that is a huge reason why I love him so much, just because he is good. His wife is splendid, smart, and funny, very charismatic, and is an amazing step Mother to his boys. We all feel incredibly blessed to have her in the family. I have 4 sisters, one is biological, and the 3 younger are adopted. The adopted 3 all strayed far from the family years before Mom died, and had very little to no contact at all with Mom for years. A heartbreaking reality for my family. My older sister has decided to go her own way from the family, having little contact with my Dad and none with my brother or me for years now. I sometimes miss having a big sister, a guiding voice to call when things are tough, or to laugh with, but I have tried, for to long, and it seems I have ran out of energy this year. This is the first year I haven't sent her a Christmas card with pic's of my boys. Every year I do, and nothing good comes from it, only tears and bitterness. So this year I am, unfortunately done. As for my Dad, and stepmother, it is a work in progress. She is a great lady, good for my Dad, keeps him grounded for the most part. She loves my boys abundantly, so therefore I love and respect her. We just aren't, and I can't see us ever being that close family that my friends all have.
My Dads family is very distant, always was, my whole life. Never a family get together, aside from a funeral or wedding. Arguments and blame games would always ensue, so there were Aunts and Uncles that I met for the first time at my Moms funeral.
My Moms family though are the crazy ones, they all love each other, through, rich and poor, happy or sad, and in sickness and in health. They are a real family, they laugh, cry, sing, and argue. They share concerns, boss around, and gossip. But they love... They take turns holding family dinners, and there are a few a year. The food is always good, and the company better, there might be a little drama here and there, of course. But that is what family is! You mail them Christmas cards, and send school pics, but forget about the birthdays cause there are just too many. I never feel more loved than at one of my crazy family dinners. Oh, and don't go thinking we are even close to perfect, we are a little different, there are multiple divorces, religious people, and anti religious people, kids out of wedlock, cancer survivors, cancer battlers, some people barely speak and others never shut up, and most of them seem to TALK REALLY LOUD!! But that is why we all still get together, because of all our differences, and our desire to be friends AND family all at once, and because that's the way we roll. Also equally important is my boys seeing how I was raised, and where I came from, my house wasn't always loony like my family get togethers were, but we had our moments. I have a very hard working and serious Dad, who lead the family with a firm hand. But there were still plenty of crazy moments and stories told at our house. I really wouldn't change a thing about my childhood. It made me who I am today, the mother, and wife that I am, and the one that I strive to be.
MY family, as in the one in my house is crazy, we laugh, dance, sing, tease, wrestle, work hard, do silly things, and love each other. We do many things together, from baking, firewood, cleaning, family game night, yard maintenance, fishing and auto repairs. Yes, I even suit up and help to fix the truck if my assistance is needed. Usually though now the boys are the main assistants to their dad, (thank goodness). I have taken the best from my Mom, Dad, Aunts, Uncles, and siblings, and use it to try my best to create a happy family. I have taken the lessons learned and promise to not repeat them with my family.
So, there is a piece of my life, and no matter how crazy, or distant my family might be I still love them, wish them the best, and worry and wonder about them. No family out there is perfect, that is make believe. A family is always flawed but that is what makes it real, and to that family the flaw is character, not something wrong. Only outsiders see a problem. So this holiday season, hug the ones you get to spend time with, call the others up on the phone and dream sweetly of the loved ones that are gone. Lets set a better example for the next generation. Hugs, Love and Peace to you all, have a very Merry Christmas, and a Bountiful 2012......
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